6.f 最浪费时间的句型：“要是……就好了！”

Make Time Your Friend 6.f: The Most Time-Wasting Sentence: "If Only..."

> By Li Xiaolai · 2008-05-19 · [Original (web archive)](https://web.archive.org/web/20111112212729/http://www.lixiaolai.com/archives/454.html) (Chinese)
> Our translation from the Chinese original.

**The language we use often limits our thinking**. And the result of our thinking being swayed by the language we use is that our behavior is affected by it too. There are especially many examples of this; what I want to talk about today is one such harmful sentence pattern that limits our thinking and in turn affects our behavior—"If only……!" This sentence pattern is used to express regret, and "regret" is the biggest waste of time—because no matter what, this emotion does nothing to help the matter.

When people meet awkward situations in life, thoughts expressed in this sentence pattern will pop into their heads involuntarily:

- "If only I were the Monkey King!"
- "If only I had money!"
- "If only I weren't married!"
- "If only I'd studied more back then!"
- "If only I were in America!"

The reason such thoughts pop up when meeting awkward situations is that most people have long understood, in a plain way, a simple principle: the today we face depends to a great extent on our past. But the nature of time determines that everything it passes through will solidify into history and can't be changed. No matter how strong the regret, it does no good.

Another reason is being unable to accept the real limitations of oneself. When each person comes into this world, he isn't flawless, and no matter how hard he tries, he is destined not to have a perfect life. (Of course, we still need to work hard, because working hard can make us relatively perfect, or more perfect, or close to perfect.) So short people wish they were a bit taller, ugly men wish they could become a bit more handsome, unattractive women wish they could become a bit prettier, people who have grown old wish they could at least look a bit younger, fat people wish they could become a bit thinner, people as thin as sticks wish they could become a bit sturdier……

What's past can't be changed. Present worry does no good. So, as long as you're a bystander, you can see with the utmost ease how unrealistic these thoughts are. Converting these unrealistic sentences into realistic versions gives this:

- "If only I were the Monkey King!"—But you're not the Monkey King. So you don't have 72 hairs to turn into 72 of you to do your homework for you; you don't have the golden-hooped staff either, so you can't pick a fight with the big guy in front of you.
- "If only I had money!"—But you don't have money. So the problems money can solve are not problems you can solve.
- "If only I weren't married!"—But you're already married. So no matter how much you like the woman in front of you, as soon as you start to take action, trouble will follow one after another.
- "If only I'd studied more back then!"—But you didn't back then. So now, however much you regret it, there's nothing to be done.
- "If only I were in America!"—But you're still in China. So most of those good things in America have not the slightest bit to do with you.

What's past can't be changed. Present worry does no good. But future awkwardness may be avoidable—if present action doesn't go wrong. In other words, to avoid future awkwardness, you must take the right action today. So:

- Get rid of the lazy habit of not doing your homework until the night before it's due; finish your homework first and then go play as hard as you like. If you're sure the other guy isn't a good person, then get away from him early, and best not even let him know you exist.
- Stop worrying about not having money now. Pull yourself together, and from today start finding ways to earn more money; if earning more money is hard, finding ways to spend a bit less and save a bit more is also a very good route.
- Think about whether divorce is a feasible and easy thing. If not, then even if you did get divorced smoothly, if in the future you and the woman across from you ever had to divorce, it might still be very hard and unfeasible.
- Then from today read a bit more and learn a bit more. Anyway, learning anything isn't easy for anyone, but as long as you persist, most skills can be learned to a fairly skilled level.
- First solve the present trouble. Then, if you really think America is better, start preparing to emigrate from today; you'll find there's a great deal you need to do. Work hard.

Most of the time, a person is unrealistic because his thoughts are unrealistic, and his thoughts are unrealistic often because the sentence pattern he uses determines that no matter how he substitutes into it, he can only make unrealistic sentences.

In addition, a thought like "If only……!" is not only useless, it may even be harmful. Because this sentence pattern will spawn a very frightening sentence pattern—"If only……! But……!"

- "If only I were the Monkey King!"—But I'm not [Translator's note: the original writes 可是可不是, "but but not," which makes no sense here; 可是我不是 ("but I'm not") is meant; translated by the intended sense] the Monkey King. But I can play the rogue and not hand in my homework! I don't have the golden-hooped staff either, but I can buy a knife and hack you to death, you bastard.
- "If only I had money!"—But I don't have money. But I can go borrow, and if I can't borrow I can still swindle, and if that really doesn't work, go steal, go rob……
- "If only I weren't married!"—But I'm already married. But who cares, the woman across from me doesn't know anyway……
- "If only I'd studied more back then!"—But I didn't back then. But I'll go get a fake diploma; anyway, so many people use fake certificates now—otherwise how would those people selling fake certificates make so much money?!
- "If only I were in America!"—But I'm still in China. Forget it, I'll just find a way to sneak in illegally; or do something or other, then go to the American embassy to seek asylum, and maybe I can even wangle a green card.

So when a thought like "If only……!" flashes into your head, immediately remind yourself, "Stop! This thought holds things up the most!" "Stop! This thought is the most useless!" If you want to know how laughable thoughts like "If only……!" are, just think of a sentence you often hear:

- "If only I hadn't wasted so much time!"

—But you have already wasted so much time. And now you're actually still wasting time!

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