人生是一幅钢笔画

Life Is a Pen Drawing

> By Li Xiaolai · 2009-08-05 · [Original (web archive)](https://web.archive.org/web/20111113100401/http://www.lixiaolai.com/archives/7276.html) (Chinese)
> Our translation from the Chinese original.

A [reader wrote in with a question](http://www.lixiaolai.com/index.php/askxiaolai):

> [Translator's note: quoted by the author: this is a reader's letter that Li Xiaolai quotes in full; it is kept in the original Chinese and not translated, and it is not counted in the ratio (handled as in LX241). Not Li Xiaolai's words.]
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> 高考失利，跟XX大学化学系差3分，然后进入XX财经大学学保险，不喜欢保险专业，于是主要修了金融的课程，一心要去个比XX更好大学读金融。报考XXXX，第一年差N分，第二年又差N分，调剂到XXXX商学院的双硕士项目。本来应该读三年，但第二年结束时，我收到香港XX的金融学PHD的offer，然后就放弃了X大和X大的学位，来香港重新读起，希望拿到PHD然后在学术界打工。现在又觉得X大的PHD读出来不是很有前途，跟北美的比起来没竞争力，所以秋天想申请北美的金融PHD。
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> 回想过去的这些历程，我觉得我最大的问题在于，可能我对自己的要求过高，对环境的要求过于苛刻，所以一直在浪费时间去做“改变出身”的事情。而忽略了自己的成长——心智和学识。但我却一直很茫然，不知道从哪儿入手去想这些问题。我觉得笑来老师的生活就很行云流水，没有一丝与生活抗争的气息，但却无处不充满对生活的希冀和对自己的完善。Q1: 不知道您是怎样做到的？需要看一些什么书吗？需要跟一些智者交流吗？需要经常写随感反省自己吗？
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> 我对自己要求太高，即使别人觉得我已经做得很好了，但我仍然觉得没达到自己对自己的要求而不够自信，同时又给自己太多的选择，所以常常很茫然。我希望自己能花时间想清楚一些人生中重要的问题，有个更清楚的目标，不要太苛求自己。然后想清楚以后，可以focus在某个目标上，在30之前不再晃悠，不再拘泥于一些表象，争取做出点儿有成就感的事情。 Q2： 这独一无二、不可反悔的人生，怎样做一个选择、舍弃其他别个选择？根据什么来判断？个人比较优势？个人喜好？社会评价？

I once wrote a piece, "[Life Has No Ctrl+Z](http://www.lixiaolai.com/archives/6055.html)" (《人生没有Ctrl+Z》). Who has never made mistakes, who has never missed some things they didn't want to miss and shouldn't have missed? Facing gains and losses, it's fine when the gains outweigh the losses, but when the losses outweigh the gains, who doesn't wish for a chance to "start over from the beginning"?

You say, "I feel Teacher Xiaolai's life flows like moving clouds and running water, without the slightest air of struggling against life, yet everywhere it is full of hope for life and of perfecting oneself."—this obviously overestimates me far too much. Based on my principles for blogging, I try not to write about my personal life on the blog. But that doesn't mean I have no life—my life is as messy as everyone's; at most, the degree of mess is perhaps a bit less than some people's. At every moment, I too run into all sorts of strange, inexplicable resistance, obstacles, criticism and so on—things nobody wants, anyway. At every moment, I may make mistakes, and after making them, like everyone, I regret them bitterly……

Q1: I wonder how you manage it? Do you need to read certain books? Do you need to talk with some wise people? Do you need to often write down reflections to examine yourself?
A1: I'm sorry, I don't manage it. Reading books doesn't necessarily solve these problems. Talking with wise people may become a burden on them. Examining yourself doesn't necessarily require writing down reflections. I just try, at every moment, to struggle a little more.

Q2: In this one-of-a-kind life that can't be taken back, how does one make one choice and give up the other choices? On what basis does one judge? Personal comparative advantage? Personal preference? Social evaluation?
A2: Actually, the characteristic of life is that "there is no other choice." At every moment, it seems as if we really have to make a "decision" among several options, but in fact, don't we every time choose the one we could only choose at the time? Sometimes when we choose wrong we can't blame anyone, because our various states at the time determined that we were (actually) unable to make the right decision at the time. And at other times, we chose right, but thinking about it afterwards, wasn't there luck involved? Every time, we have to make the most correct judgment we can according to our own situation, with incomplete information. And once we act, it cannot be changed—we are drawing the picture of life with a pen. When young, how can one not care about other people's views? Not caring about other people's views after growing old may be because one has reached a certain level, or may simply be because one's skin has grown thicker.

Don't waste time on "hesitating," "being lost," "being confused" and the like; if you have that kind of spare time, what better thing could you do than get something done?

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