如何培养自信？

网上流行一篇关于自信的文章，中译版的题目各不相同，英文标题是《10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence》，而标题中的“instantly”就足以让人狐疑了，再看看内容，不禁目瞪…

Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20111113101007/http://www.lixiaolai.com/archives/1475.html

How to Build Confidence

> By Li Xiaolai · 2008-11-13 · [Original (web archive)](https://web.archive.org/web/20111113101007/http://www.lixiaolai.com/archives/1475.html) (Chinese)
> Our translation from the Chinese original.

**Introduction**:

An article about self-confidence is popular online; the titles of its Chinese translations vary, and the English title is "[10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence](http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/10-ways-to-instantly-build-self-confidence/)." The "instantly" in the title is enough to make one suspicious; then, looking at the content, I couldn't help being dumbfounded:

> [Translator's note: quoted by the author: the list from that English article, in English in the original, with Li Xiaolai's Chinese glosses in parentheses kept as written; not counted in the ratio.]
> 1. Dress Sharp （穿着整齐）
> 2. Walk Faster （加快步伐）
> 3. Good Posture （良好姿势）
> 4. Personal Commercial （自我暗示）
> 5. Gratitude （感恩心态）
> 6. Compliment other people （赞美他人）
> 7. Sit in the front row （坐第一排）
> 8. Speak up （大声讲话）
> 9. Work out （坚持锻炼）
> 10. Focus on contribution （关注贡献）

In my eyes, basically eight of these ten are nonsense, and the remaining two have nothing to do with "instantly," which is self-contradictory—how could working out and contributing possibly be a matter of a day or two? The author's starting point was no doubt without malice, but young people who feel they lack self-confidence must never follow it; these so-called "techniques" not only don't help at all in building self-confidence, but may even turn those who follow them into deliberate clowns. Look at the people around you: are the people sitting in the front row, or the best-dressed people, necessarily self-confident? *Someone who walks quickly up to you and then loudly praises you—wouldn't that make you a bit scared or baffled?*
[What is the real way to build self-confidence? Let me write ten points too](http://www.lixiaolai.com/archives/1475.html):

**1. Cultivate patience**

> Self-confidence really does need to be cultivated; "cultivated" means it can't be reached overnight. So the most important precondition for cultivating self-confidence is having patience; if you lack patience, cultivate patience. Without patience you can't accomplish anything, let alone "self-confidence." When you achieve something, it's accompanied by growth in self-confidence, while a person who accomplishes nothing, however neatly dressed, is nothing but a straw bag [Translator's note: 草包, "straw bag," i.e. a good-for-nothing].

**2. Acquire and master one skill**

> People with the ability to learn are usually very self-confident; the reverse is also true: truly self-confident people are usually so because they believe in their own ability to learn. So when facing challenges they aren't afraid, don't lose their nerve, because they know "at worst I'll go and learn it." The foundation of the ability to teach oneself is patience, and acquiring any skill makes one understand the importance of patience better, and at the same time, because one has patience and the ability to learn, one becomes more self-confident. As long as you spend the time to truly master one skill, learning another skill becomes easier—this is a virtuous circle.

**3. Believe in the power of accumulation**

> No stone, however big, can stop a seed from sprouting, simply because once a seed starts to sprout, the division of its cells, though not fast, never stops even out of sight of the sun. Everyone understands that dripping water can wear through stone, yet it seems no one believes it—a person at the starting point is like a single cell or a drop of water, but most people mistakenly think or hope that at the starting point they are powerful and sharp like a laser beam, which is not realistic. Cultivate patience through learning, and use patience to wait for the unimaginable benefits and power that can be gained after long-term accumulation.

**4. Know your own limits**

> No one is omnipotent. Even people with truly powerful learning ability can't do everything—because there isn't enough time. Some fields really do require talent. Where you really aren't good at something, feel inferior when you should feel inferior—there's nothing embarrassing about it. If you don't feel inferior when you should, you carry an extra psychological burden—one you can never shake off—and in the end it will certainly drag down your self-confidence. When you do things well you naturally become self-confident easily; when you do them badly it's hard to be self-confident. But before you've even gone into battle, carrying one load after another on your back, how far can you go? How well can you do?

**5. Always do your homework thoroughly in advance**

> Speaking loudly and dressing formally can at most make a person "appear" self-confident, not be truly self-confident. "Sitting in the front row" may be because of nearsightedness; "walking fast" is often because of a weak sense of time—none of these have anything to do with self-confidence. Whatever you do, if you've done your homework thoroughly in advance, it's hard not to be self-confident. Self-confidence is not the same as self-righteousness; self-righteous people are all eventually smashed by reality. The Chinese say "success depends on heaven, planning depends on man"; Westerners say "render unto God the things that are God's, and unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's"; on some level these are the same thing: don't bother about luck (when it's due, it will come naturally); what matters is concentrating on doing your homework well.

**6. Pay attention to details**

> As the saying goes, "experts look at the craft, laymen look at the show." When we've paid attention to something long enough, we find ourselves as if "the heavenly eye has opened," able to see more and more, and see more and more clearly. In the things you must do, you must stay focused; not only focused, but focused for a long time. Only this way do you have the ability to see more details, the ability to do your homework thoroughly, the ability to stay calm in the face of change. Much of the time, so-called "success" is only an intermediate state; "greater success" is the challenge. People who ignore details don't do so on purpose; it's only that their skill isn't there yet; and when the skill isn't there, after the "intermediate state" comes greater failure.

**7. Cultivate a composed attitude**

> Walk a bit slower, and your bearing is naturally composed; speak a bit slower, and even with a quieter voice others can hear [Translator's note: the original writes 挺清楚 ("quite clear"); 听清楚 ("hear clearly") is meant; translated by the intended sense] clearly. But these are only forms; the key is that your brain mustn't be slow. Moving too fast is often only because the brain is too slow, so one thinks too little and not thoroughly enough. Anyone with experience of public speaking knows that speaking too fast is actually more likely because of nervousness. The more capable a person, the more easily they're composed, because their ability is enough to let them control the situation. Composure can't be imitated; it is nurtured—by real strength.

**8. Care about the people around you**

> Everyone needs the support and care of the people around them, just as the people around them need their support and care. Contrary to what many people believe, having too many friends isn't necessarily a good thing. Because caring for a person and supporting a person both take time, and the ultimate limit no one can cross is only one thing—time. Choose your friends carefully, because you will share your life with them. Without this attitude, you won't have real friends. People who have two or three real friends are all rather self-confident.

**9. Don't pursue perfection lightly**

> Perfection is always good, but it can't always be achieved. Pursuing perfection in everything has only one outcome: standards get lower and lower. Examples of this abound in life [Translator's note: the original writes 生活着, literally "living"; 生活中 ("in life") is meant; translated by the intended sense]; many "holy men and holy women" (圣男圣女) (leftover men and leftover women, 剩男剩女) [Translator's note: a pun—圣 "holy" and 剩 "leftover" are homophones (shèng); 剩男剩女 means unmarried men and women past the usual marrying age] are made just this way. Learning to live imperfectly in this imperfect world is a rare wisdom. Only people who deeply understand that "imperfection is the norm" can manage "not to feel pointlessly inferior." Relying on patience, believing in accumulation, plus a normal IQ, even if you can't do the best you can do better; why demand too much?

**10. Be as independent as possible, and take on the necessary responsibilities**

> A philosopher once said: "A person's degree of happiness depends on [Translator's note: the original writes 取决与, with 与 ("and"); 取决于 ("depends on") is meant; translated by the intended sense] the degree to which he can be independent of this world." This sentence contains profound wisdom. Much of the time, independence means fully taking on the necessary responsibilities; people who can use their own abilities to take on necessary responsibilities are inevitably relatively more self-confident. A person who can't be independent often ends up a burden on others; no one doesn't dislike burdens, and how can a disliked person be self-confident? Self-confident people all know a simple principle: I am me, others are others; my own affairs I finish myself, my own responsibilities I bear myself.